I learned something of critical importance in this world of caregiving. It is not just that I am a caregiver, but I too am in need of being cared for, I need a caregiver. When I applied for hospice for mom, the nurse that came over was like sunshine and joy walking through my door. She was the most caring and compassionate person I had ever met. I looked forward to each time she was coming to see mom, because her visit always cheered me up and made my day brighter.
Not too long after we had started with hospice, Mary broke her ankle. First we were told she would be off for about a month to mend, then would be coming back. However, the hospice company let her go. When I found out she was gone and not coming back, I had a meltdown. I cried and yelled and kicked and threw things (good thing husband was out of range!). I was just devestated. Once I was able to settle down, I realized the importance of relationship dynamics in a caregiving/hospice situation. It took me awhile, and I had to be accomodating to fill-in nurses, all who were terrifice and did well by mom. But they weren't Mary. I told Mary I was going to write about her and she got weepy, but I can't even put into words just how much she meant to me personally in this situation, writing about it is the least I can do.
I came to terms that there would not be another Mary, and that is that. All who come since really are here to tend to mom, I have lost that one person who also tended to me.
I have been in touch with Mary, need to call her again. Her recovery was long, all summer and more, so I hope she is finally up and about.
This was a difficult learning experience, I don't care to go through it again!